single + high libido + fasting: guide to surviving ramadan
your sexuality is not shameful
Assalamu’alaykum sister,
So, in this scenario it’s always like…
“Just get married!”
Yeah right, as if it’s that simple. (Also I’m sure a great way to start a relationship is purely because of your sexual needs…)
And again, the hadith where the Prophet ﷺ eloquently describes getting married to control desires is only A PART of his wonderful and fruitful marriage advice that we all love to collectively ignore as an Ummah.
Let’s look at this hadith now, where he (ﷺ), said:
"O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power."
— {Sahih al-Bukhari 5066}
Ah yes, “the fasting part”
In Ramadan, for many single Muslim women, fasting is something that they find to be very counter-productive, because it seems that while fasting, their desires actually become worse rather than controlled.
Coupled with having a high libido, this blessed month can be extremely hard for these sisters. But they have no where to go with this struggle, either out of shame or because of the typcial useless advice given about getting married.
Well, today, I am putting an end to this struggle for all of my sisters who have had to fight the purity of their own bodies (sexuality in itself is not shameful). Right here, right now, we are going to dismantle everything so that you can succeed as a Muslim woman this Ramadan.
Now first, the reason why fasting makes your desires worse is because you think the act of fasting alone will control your urges.
It won’t.
It can’t.
And it never has for anything else.
Think about it - don’t we still feel hungry when fasting? Would it make sense to think that fasting will help us stop feeling hungry?
To think, “I am abstaining from food for Allah, but I still feel hungry, so maybe I’m just weak.”
Of course not. Because your body is still acting like a normal body does.
The key is that, in Islam, fasting is meant to be your motivator.
Allah tells us in the Qur’an:
“O you who have believed, decreed upon you is fasting as it was decreed upon those before you that you may become righteous - {2:183}
“Becoming righteous” doesn’t mean not having normal bodily functions, it means building a presence of taqwa.
And during this time of fasting in Ramadan, a Muslim’s responsibilty in attainting taqwa is to make sure they don’t do anything that will break their fast - because then they will have to make it up and be answerable before Allah (SWT).
And yes, when you’re single and you give in to arousal, it will break your fast (for women, intentionally causing discharge, through climax or foreplay, requires the fast to be made up. Look at the fiqh behind this for a better understanding).
Sister, pretend your holding my hand, you can control your desiers. Allah gave you the tools. So let’s dive straight in.
Fasting with Intention
❌ Don’t think: “I’m fasting today, so I hope my desires will be stable”
✅ Instead think: “I’m fasting today, so I will not engange in anything that will break my fast, otherwise I will have sinned and I will have to make it up after Ramadan and Allah will be displeased with me.”
Your fast should remind you that every action has consequences, and that you are accountable.
The clearer your intention is, the stronger your self-control becomes. You need to treat the act of fasting as if it is a sheild for you. Not like a test that you hope you pass magically.
Keep reminding yourself of this.
Delete the Content
If you’re consuming content, books, or media that ignites your lust, you’re setting yourself up for failure.
Go cold turkey. Delete the apps, get rid of those dumb books, unfollow accounts, and remove anything that triggers your desires.
Clean up your digital environment. Replace content that inspires personal growth—Qur’an, beneficial podcasts, islamic lectures, workbooks or journaling excersies.
This is all about empowering yourself to make choices that honor your fast. Content, whether good or bad, shapes your mind. Think of it this way, if you don’t remove temptation, you’re constantly fighting a battle you don’t even have to fight.
When you don’t take action to stop, you’re the reason alone why you can’t handle your desires.
Focus on Productive Tasks
They say an idle mind is the devil’s workshop. When you’re not doing anything in particular, your thoughts can wander —and that’s when the door is left open and lustful thoughts can sneak in.
Replace idle time with beneficial actions:
Reading Qur’an or Islamic books
Doing dhikr/istighfar
Writing
Volunteering or helping family
I hear cold showers work!
Go for a walk
Fill your time with purpose as much as you can.
Understand Why You Give In
Now this is a very important section to this guide.
Blocking content, intentions, and staying busy is only the first step.
If you don’t understand why you’re giving into your desires, then the cycle will repeat anyways, your nafs will find a way to bypass all of the obstacles you’ve set up to prevent yourself.
The difference between temporary control and true mastery of yourself is self-awareness, always.
A. Identify Your Triggers
Ask yourself: Why do I watch, read, or do these things? Be honest, there’s no judgment here. Common triggers can include:
Boredom: When you have nothing meaningful to occupy yourself with, desires fill the void.
Loneliness: Isolation can tempt you to temporary pleasures.
Stress or Anxiety: Emotional tension can make you seek that instant gratification you get from fulfilling those desires.
Curiosity: Sometimes, simply “wanting to know” or “let’s see what exactly these ‘dumb’ people are so obssessed with!” backfires terribly.
Write these triggers down, I’d argue. Seeing them on paper makes them look real and manageable, instead of something vague that just exists in the back of your mind.
B. Understand the Consequences
Do NOT trick yourself into thinking that giving in to desires is harmless.
It affects way more than your fast in Ramadan, but you won’t realize it until you’re in too deep.
This is what you’re risking:
Habit Formation: Repeatedly engaging in lustful thoughts/inappropriate content creates neurological pathways where your brain starts craving them more often. This is how addictions develop. No matter how much you try to deny it.
Emotional Drain: Each time you give in, after that fleeting high you got from it, you will drain. You feel guilt and shame, numbness, which will crash into you mentally. Look at the stories of p^rn addicts, none of them are actually happy with their life.
Spiritual Distance: Spiritually, your heart becomes heavy and disconnected from Allah. Distarcting you from worship, and eventually feeling nothing (May Allah protect us).
Marital Impact: I'll be blunt, your future husband is not looking for someone struggling with these habits (and vice versa, they shouldn’t be either). Controlling your desires now protects your future relationship.
a. How This Can Destroy Your Marriage
You might think: “Ha! I know this isn’t real life. I’m smart. I won’t let it affect me.”
But Shaytan wants you to think exactly that (or in this case, your lower nafs during Ramadan). This way, quietly and subtly, you nafs will condition your mind. At first, it seems harmless…but then you’ll do it again…and again…and again, as many times as it takes for you to no longer be guarded by it.
Shaytan didn’t just tell Adam (A.S) to eat from the tree only once.
Once that happens, and say, you experience intimacy in the halal, natural way with your spouse, it won’t do anything for you. Because your brain and heart have already been trained to expect something else:
Fantasy > reality
And worse, you start resenting your husband for something he is innocent of—because your heart is chasing something that will never exist.
💡 Sister, this is why understanding your triggers is so important.
Resisting desires now doesn’t just protect your fast—it protects your future, your heart, your mindset, and your ability to enjoy intimacy in the way Allah intended.
Your past habits can blind you or even reject the beauty of the halal experience if you’re not careful.
Think long-term: every choice today shapes the person you’ll be tomorrow— will this help you become the woman of faith you want to be?
C. Reflect on Your Patterns
If you give in, or find yourself struggling, reflect:
What was I feeling in that moment?
What thought/action/emotion triggered it?
How could I have redirected that?
Reflection is learning. It gives you insight into your mind, helps you recognize the patterns you’ve become unaware of, and teaches you how to better intervene before it takes control.
D. Replace Bad Habits with Healthy Ones
Once you understand your triggers, replace them:
Boredom → Productivity: Pick up reading the Qur’an, journal, watch a lecture, learn something new, or help someone.
Loneliness → Connection: Call a sister, attend taraweeh, or increase your dua and dhikr.
Stress → Release: Exercise, go outside, or anything else that calms your body and mind.
Curiosity → Knowledge: Redirect curiosity to Islamic knowledge you can learn, like finding out why Allah warns us against zina in the first place.
Replacing bad habits rewires your brain for the better.
E. Make It Spiritual
Remember, this struggle is spiritual training for you:
Every time you resist temptation, your reward is multiplied in front of Allah.
Your fight and struggle builds taqwa—a consciousness of Allah that protects you from sin that will carry on long after Ramadan.
View these challenges as preparation for a God-conscious marriage: where self-control, humilty, patience, and self awareness are essential for a healthy, loving relationship.
F. Ideas for Actionable Exercises
Daily Reflection Journal
Write down trigger moments during the day
How you responded
What could be done differently tomorrow
Set Mini Goals: For example,“Today, I will spend 15 minutes in dhikr every time a desire arises.”
Accountability Partner: Support is powerful. But since this is a sensitive topic, only seek out someone trustworthy to help you stay on top of your habits.
Make Dua + Remember Allah Often
Self-control is easier when remember that Allah is always with you.
In the Qur’an, it says:
“Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity.” {2:286}
This means you are capable of overcoming this struggle, sister.
Allah knows your heart, your limits, and your circumstances. You feeling temptation is natural, and it does not mean you are weak or failing your Ramadan.
You are fully capable of overcoming it, with His help. You’re not alone in this. And again, Allah has invited you to another Ramadan.
That only means He knows you can rise from this. Perhaps this is your test before the rewards He will give you. Keep going sis, I and Allah believe in you! 🌸☁️🤍🫶🏼✨
With love and sisterhood,
Her Deen & Dunya
this is such an overlooked topic! I loved how you connected the hadith of fasting to not just being about removing desire which is a normal part of us but about building taqwa of Allah
although i’m trying my best, i couldn’t stop struggling. but your article made me think why i should be resistant to these struggles. sometimes i feel guilty and ashamed, and i’m trying to fix it. thanks for this inspiring post. may Allah make it easier for everyone who is struggling with this💕🫶🏻